My Purpose

Eric and Forrest, August 2011

I always knew I would never spank, never hit, never slap or smack or physically strike my son in any way. I had an inner knowing that it wasn’t right, from the day he was born.

What I didn’t realize at all was that my journey into peaceful parenting would result in my becoming a thought leader in the peaceful parenting movement, and a respected writer and parenting blogger.

I didn’t realize it because I had never believed in myself becoming much of a leader in anything. Why is that? It’s pretty obvious now — because of the way I was raised, with spanking, punishing, being dismissed and the worst for me was the shaming.

I grew up with very little confidence, I was shy and withdrawn, I let people walk all over me and I rarely found the strength to ever speak up for myself.

But this isn’t about blame, it’s about understanding myself. Because once I started down my parenting journey, I realized there was so much I needed to change, and heal from the past.

If I’m going to raise my own son without shaming and hurting and viewing him as unworthy, I have to stop living from a place of shame and hurt and feelings of unworthiness. And that’s been so challenging for me.

The whole thought system of disrespecting children, talking down to them, smacking, spanking, punishing, disregarding, telling them don’t cry, treating them like second class citizens in their own homes had to be undone within ME first and foremost.

And that’s what I have done. I have never spanked, never smacked or slapped or shamed him. Never punished, not even a single time out. And I can absolutely say with 100% conviction that it is never necessary to hit a child, it is never necessary to get tough with them, it is never necessary to shame or punish or threaten.

What IS necessary is to respect children, to love as unconditionally as we possibly can. To validate, appreciate, support, encourage, admire, dignify, listen, and TRUST.

It’s not children that need to be fixed or changed or corrected. It’s us, the parents that need that. And I’m the first to talk about what a mess I am, so this isn’t about shaming other parents.

I am 1 Awesome Dad and for once, finally I can say I know my purpose and I know what I am called to do. I’m called to share exactly this message. Thanks for reading.